Creative Worship: Our Tears Land in Heaven

Psalm 56:8

"You have kept count of my tossings;

put them in your bottle. Are they not in your book?"

Have you ever cried so much that you felt you were out of tears?? That's been me lately. If you read my last post you learned that my dad passed away unexpectedly last month and I've been trying to cope with the loss. I recently went a few days were I hadn't cried any and I started to wonder what was wrong with me. I thought, my Dad just died, am I not as upset as I should be?? Of course I'm completely grief stricken by all of it. I really think I had just run out of tears for a little while. Then the next two days I cried. I haven't had to deal with grief in my life like this before so I am quickly learning the stages and how to deal. It's true when they say it comes in waves and you never really know when one may hit you and you fall apart.

On top of that being 8 months pregnant, I try to keep myself calm and remind myself that my Dad wouldn't want me to be so upset and exhaust myself right now. So I try to keep that in mind when I can. Along with the comforting words of my earthly father, I have been finding comfort in the words and promises of our Heavenly Father! There are so many comforting verses throughout the bible when it comes to grief and a friend recently shared this one with me.

Psalm 56:8 the NLT version says:

"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book."

I found so much comfort in this verse! It reminded me that our pain is not in vain. It is not ignored or disregarded by God. He sees each tear we shed and collects and carries each one! And honestly I have felt a little ashamed that I haven't prayed as much as I feel I should. This verse also reminded me that each tear is a small prayer that goes to heaven when we aren't able to find the words. That's it! That's why I haven't prayed as often as I should. Putting my feelings and the actions of what has happened into words was just too hard for me! I've walked to talk to my dad so many times through all of this and I know I could pray and talk to his spirit, but I haven't been able to bring myself to do that either! Doing that was like finally admitting that all of this is real and that is the only way I can talk to him anymore. It's absolutely heartbreaking. But whether I accept this as my new reality or not, sadly it won't change the outcome, no matter how much I wish it would.

We all grieve in our own way. There is no wrong or right way to do it because we are all unique and so are our experiences with grief. My Dad knows it's not that I haven't talked to him because I don't miss him, he knows its because it's just too hard right now.... but I will get there. And no matter what type of grief you may be going through, you will get to the place you need to be too. It will just take time. The hole that person left will never fully disappear, but each day will start to get a little less painful. God will carry our pain and our tears and help us through it! We need to continue to lean on him and He will see us through it all!

xoxo,

Stephanie Gammon

@faith.and.creativity