(I wrote this sipping on my Sunday morning cup of coffee- cheers!)
This week I have been spending quite a bit of time licking my wounds and feeling a bit sorry for myself. Unfortunately, I did not get the job I had my hopes set on. I really felt like this was THE JOB I had been waiting for and was meant for me. Keep in mind, I found this out a week ago Friday and I spent my entire week allowing this to bring me down and spiraled from there.
With the spiraling not only did depression set in and questions of why I am not good enough? What could I have done differently? So came into question- "what is God's Will for me?". Did I not pray enough? Do I not say the right things when I pray? Am I praying for my wants versus His will for me? All of these questions tend to stir doubt in my soul. In my heart I know He has a plan and the bible tells me this plan is much bigger than my own. I just question whether or not I am worthy enough to be privy to this information anytime soon. I get it- everything happens in His time. When will His timing and His will be in sync with my own? I guess I just don't understand what God wants from me.
In all of this self pity and wallowing, I ran across a post yesterday that questioned whether the sadness we allow ourselves to sit in, is a result of (simply) a bad moment that we've allowed ourselves to "milk" into an extended amount of time. Is this a bad day or a bad life- so to speak? Am I bummed because I didn't get the job or is this really depression that I'm allowing to take over? I find that I tend to do this. Rather than picking myself up and dusting myself off, I tend to wallow in the mud. I also find myself losing faith.
The page I did this week is a reminder to myself that prayer is powerful. On this journey of faith that I am on, I am learning to trust and have faith- (I wish this was something that came to me easily). Why does it seem God quiets when I feel I need to hear him the loudest? All of these questions, I am taking to prayer with me. I pray that Jesus will fill me up with peace, faith, trust and hope. That he does in fact hear me and helps to open my heart to allow me to hear him during the silence.
Micha 7:7
"But as for me, I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me."
To complete this page I used "Fill Me Up" by Rebecca Rios stamp set.
Peace, love & blessings to you all,
Jamie
Wow Jamie, I felt as if you were looking into my head, heart, and soul of how I feel most days. I ask yet I don't receive I seek yet I don't find I knock yet I feel as if all doors are slammed in my face knocking me flat on my back. It's so hard to learn to let go and let God. I'm sorry you're going through this but nice to know I'm not alone. Prayers for your.
ReplyDeleteJamie,
ReplyDeleteThis post sounds like something I could say. I have been in poor health for over a year and a half, and so far nothing has helped me. I have had so many tests and even though some of my levels are extremely high, which could indicate some pretty serious conditions, nothing has really been discovered until just a few days ago. Now it is off to ANOTHER kind of doctor to get cardiac clearance so they can operate. I even have a hard time praying at times, but I have never lost my faith. God has a plan for all of us and He will see it to completion. God has something that He knows is better for you, and He will give you the peace and the strength that you need. We have a faithful, loving and understanding God, even when we are at our weakest. I pray that you will be blessed by seeing His answers to you. God bless and keep the faith.